When first learning about BDSM and exploring your submissive side, there is an even that happens that rarely gets talked about – sub frenzy. You get to excited to be doing only what you’ve ever thought about that you put everything else – caution, common sense, well being aside. For example before you started playing you knew there was a list of things that were going to be hard limits but you get start your first scene and are so excited, you suddenly have no hard limits.
You think how can they be hard limits if I haven’t tried them? I MUST TRY IT ALL TO KNOW! You know you don’t want to do needle play because you have a health issue and it’s not safe, but the Dom you are playing with doesn’t know this and you are just so excited to play you let him do Needle play. Because you’ve ignored the fact this was a hard limit, you’ve passed out and gone into shock.
Embarrassingly so, I’ve experience this myself. I put my personal well being at risk when I first started because I wanted to try everything. I wanted to try everything I read about in books. Thankfully no harm came to myself but some aren’t so lucky. There is a difference between being enthusiastic and sub frenzy.
Enthusiasm is wanting to try thing but keep your core beliefs together. For example, I hate cages and will never be caged regardless of how awesome the Dom is. This is a trigger for me due to once as a kid I was locked in a room and ignored. Sub frenzy would have be ignore this trigger and just want to try it, because maybe it isn’t that bad. Enthusiasm is wanting to try canes because I think it’s interesting and it’s an unknown situation and I am genuinely interested in it. Sub frenzy is wanting to try canes but I hate pain and the only reason I’m doing it is because I think it will impress my Dom.
This is why most Doms will sit down and do a negotiation before any play occurs. Because in the heat of the moment you will try anything. You will be riding so many endorphin and feel so spacey, they could ask you if it’s okay they put a pepper grinder up your ass and you would say with pleasure. Okay, that’s a bit extreme but you get the idea.
There are many things you can do to prevent sub frenzy. Make a list of things that are hard limits due to reason such as triggers and health reasons. BDSM is safe and consensual. Your overall health should never be in danger. Not only your health but the health of your Dom. If you experienced sub frenzy it may be easy to lay all the fault on the Dom as he allowed you to do those things. However, keep in mind Doms are not mind readers. they are intuitive but they may not know you’re experiencing the kid in the candy store syndrome. If you are genuinely interested in something new, do research, talk to fellow submissives, talk to people in the community. I want to try whips but I’ve done research about it and will only let someone do this to me that I’ve seen play and knows what they are doing. Subfrenzy would be finding someone is into whipping and just letting them do it. Whipping can turn dangerous and only people who’ve trained and practiced should do it.
When diving into BDSM be wary of the following statements “If you were a true submissive, you’d do what I want” or “You don’t need a safe word with me; I don’t allow them.” Any true Dom always respects a safe word. Remember the difference between abuse and bdsm is consent.
I would recommend when first starting to play, keep a journal. When your done with playing write down what happened and how it made you feel. What parts did you enjoy, what parts made you feel what way. Don’t play the first time you meet your Dom. Don’t settle for the first Dom that comes yoru way. If he gives you the creeps, trust your gut. One time I met a Dom and he said hi and touched my arm and it made me sick to my stomach. I stayed far away from him. I don’t care how much he appeared interested in me.