The question of the day is what is a munch? By definition: A low-pressure, social gathering at a restaurant or pub for people into BDSM. Particularly intended for people new to the scene who might be intimidated by a play party .
I’ve been to several and they are held from anywhere from a pool hall to a restaurant even a coffee-house. On the outside it appears like any other group, there’s no one flogging each other or fetish wear. It is for anyone who is into BDSM, whether you’ve been into the lifestyle for years or just learning about it. There is no such thing as “too new” to go to a munch. They are generally just in casual day-to-day clothing, there may be day-to-day collars but it doesn’t look like anything to outsides other than a necklace.
You may be wondering how do I find a local munch. One way is Fetlife. It will give you information to search your area and find them. You will have to register as a member online to use the site. This protects you as well as the other members. A second place is FindaMunch.
You may be super nervous about going to one and wondering what if they don’t like you. Munches are a no pressure and laid back environment. You are not forced to play or even be touched. There are usually a set of guidelines.
1) No one can touch unless they ask – even a hug. (I was grateful for this as I hate being touched unless you are a close friend or family)
2) Do not give out your real phone number. (I generally create a google number that is linked to my real phone number without giving it away)
3) Keep personal details such as your work and related items personal for a bit. This one is up to you.
4) Wear clothing that you are comfortable in. If you are comfortable in jeans and that nice blouse – wear it. No kinky wear however, if you show up in head to toe latex you may scare the other patrons of the restaurant you’re at. Better save that for the party.
The most important thing is just because you meet them at a much doesn’t mean everyone is safe. These are open to the public and that does mean there are predators. You will find that while there may be some sexual talk it is just an open group of friendly people and the conversation flows from many things. I remember when I went to the first one, we talked about video games and comic books. Another table in the same group was discussing a new bill that was passed. Then a third table all within the same munch was talking about the upcoming Renaissance festival. It was at a restaurant so I ordered some fries and a drink and just joined in the conversations as I felt was comfortable. The people at munches aren’t expecting you to open with “Hey I am a submissive and I like anal play.” In fact your sexual preferences may not even get discussed. Although I did have one person go “You’re a submissive aren’t you, if you don’t mind me asking? You don’t have to answer.” I answered “Yes, I am and how did you guess.” His response was “Your mannerisms.” Evidently even while not in a scene, I am displaying submissive traits.
It may be scary your first time, however the first step is always the hardest! Who knows how much fun you’ll have? Or the cool people you’ll meet?