When someone mentions bdsm or more specifically a submissive, a lot of people automatically associate that with victim, doormat or a person lacking a backbone.
However, there is nothing further from the truth. Submissives are not victims of some violent accident in which they feel they have no other escape other than being a submissive. They are not some sheltered abused person waiting on someone to come take over their lives and beat them. Remember the difference consent. There are some submissives who unfortunately have come across some bad bad instances in the community, let me assure you, those are not people of the actual BDSM community those are predators.
Submissives in the BDSM community are every where and the usually in the last place that you would expect. They can be that lawyer you saw dominate at court, that cop who gave you a ticket today, the little old lady/man sitting next to you on the bus. There is no one true definition of what a submissive looks like. It is not always that meek little librarian sitting behind the desk, I mean she may be but don’t assume to know the types.
It is assumed that dominants run the world, well they may run some things, but it is only by the submissive giving up their control. They are giving up all their insecurities, their demons, their hopes, their desires, their fantasies over to the Dom. It is their gift to their Dom. It is only by this gift a Dom is a Dom. If a Dom tells you any different, sorry but their an asshole. A Dom is more than a name. A submissive can safe word if they need to stop a scene, they can deny giving their submissive to a Dom. I have met a Dom or two that because they were a Dom they demanded I submit to them in nature, um no. There are some scenes where it is expected to be polite and reply no sir and walk away. But just because you have a big stick doesn’t mean you deserve my submissive side.
Being a submissive isn’t being a doormat and never should be. It is also one of the most terrifying things in the world. To kneel before someone you want as your Dom for an evening or more, is a mind fuck in itself. Some of them will make you just sit there for a while, this is one of the hardest things for me. I am a fidgiter, I fidget alot. The longer I sit there the more I have to make little movements. You are giving yourself to this Dom in this moment and they are taking their time with their gift. They are watching you, they are planning, they are listening to you, they are learning you.
There is that moment though when you give yourself up to your Dom that everything changes. You are trusting them. Your pleasure, your pain, your sensations – they aren’t yours anymore. All of those things belong to him/her. They have to know you trust them to know your limits, to know that point where you can be pushed to something you never expected – to submit your body and mind to them. So really who has the power? When they have a flogger it may seem them and well they do but because you allowed them to.
In those moments all the crap from the day doesn’t matter, the stress outside that room, the politics…everything else doesn’t matter. All that matters is your Dom. At this exact moment your fears are gone… that is what being a submissive is.
You may wonder but what outside that moment. Outside of play, I am a wild card. I don’t take bullshit nor rudeness. I will gladly tell you to get the fuck out of my space. I will rule the earth one moment at a time. Everything I do, I run, I control it. I have order in everything and no one is allowed to interfere with that. I will jump in front of a bullet or any pain for my friends for those I love. I will tell you if you touch me without my consent I will break your fingers and yes I have messed someone up for doing so. I dislocated a boys shoulder who thought because I had cleavage he could touch whatever he wanted. If I am out in public with my Dom I am still his submissive and know they will protect me. However that little stubborn streak is still within me, I just trust him, I am submit to him. I know not to worry. There are those times when the day to day collides with the submissiveness. It is only natural at times, it your day to day life you take no crap. But this Dom thinks they know you better, you rebel and fight…and with that they show you the trust in them to be dominant wasn’t abused.
That one look from your Dominant and the submissive in you finds peace. The day to day you finds peace. You as a whole find peace…that is being a submissive – finding peace in your submission to your Dominant. You find peace in the trust you have given.
Every submissive is different, but the one thing every single one of have in common – we are no ones doormat. We are not a victim or brainwashed. We are not setting back feminism. We can be male and female submissives there is no one gender that is allowed sole rights over this. We are not weak. If you encounter a submissive and dare to call them such, trust me take care.